this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
