R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This house was built for laser tag.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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