he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
