remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
