Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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