I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
