Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
