he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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