Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize