what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
