We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
