I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
