end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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