OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
