Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize