He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
