it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
