Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
