How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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