All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
