Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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