I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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