Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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