The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
