Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
