She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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