We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
