His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
