New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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