Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
