U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize