K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
