I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
