He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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