no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
3 2 1 whiskey
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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