I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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