I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Everyone says I win the strip club
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
