if only i could text you this smell
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
