if i can run in heels then i can drive
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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