Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
