She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
