Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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