So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
