i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
