My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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