Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
