Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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