he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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