Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
