dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
