My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
