they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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