If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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