Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
