I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
