Kiss
Puke
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
