That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
