i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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