I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
