omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
