After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
