You made me cry and you don't even care
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
