just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
