Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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