Sry I called you an 8
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
