if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize