There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
