good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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