Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
