His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
