U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
