Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
