Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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