Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
