Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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