I met the friendliest cop last night
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
