Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
