toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's rum buckets o'clock
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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