We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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