btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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