So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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