I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize