I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
