Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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