My balls are so social today.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
