I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
