will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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