I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
