well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
