South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize