I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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