I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
