I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
