Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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