I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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