I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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