I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
