She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just invented taco cereal.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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