Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize