Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
