Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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